If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’, but it’s only ‘a penny for your thoughts’? Where does that extra penny go?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham have?
How come we could put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON tv?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change but see you naked anyway?
Why is ‘bra singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp, which no human being in their right mind would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in the boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours with both of them being dogs?
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face but love it when he can stick his head out of the car window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but ducks when a gun is thrown at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator in the hopes that something new has materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, look at it, and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on the first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it when we are in a supermarket and someone rams a shopping cart into our ankle and apologizes, we say ‘It’s all right’? If it’s not all right why don’t we say ‘that really hurt so why can’t you watch where you are going’?
In the winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
When the statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness and we have three good friends and they are all ok, how come we never see ourselves as being a nut-case?
Who is this Rorschach guy, and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
Why is it that children can’t read the Bible in school, but they can in prison?
If I slap you with a dictionary, would that be a physical or a verbal assault?
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
Why are you driving me crazy when you know it’s within walking distance?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a Dodge Stealth hits a Mitsubishi Mirage, did an accident really happen?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Why does a small tax increase cost you two hundred dollars but a large tax cut saves you fifty cents?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
If we find life on other planets, what will happen to the Miss Universe pageant?
Is there another word for “synonym”?
Why do people think they can just waltz into my room, when what I’m listening to is clearly in 4/4?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Why do things always seem funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
If a homeschooling mom is talking to herself, is she crazy or is it a parent-teacher conference?
If all is not lost, where is it?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy friends for her?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow signs?
Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
If we can just take on infinite debt, why have taxes at all?
Why are there five syllables in “monosyllabic”?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would the headlights still work?
Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous when they make everybody say his name at the beginning of the meeting?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ATM?
Can a funeral home raise the cost of burial and then blame the increase on the cost of living?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they already know there isn’t enough money?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?
We have enough youth — how about a fountain of smart?
If we are what we eat, why aren’t we all New, Improved, and Lite?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a chapter 11?
What if the Hokey-Pokey really is what it’s all about?
If #2 pencils are so good, why don’t they ever become #1?
If a woman’s place is in the home, why am I always in my car?
When Geronimo jumps out of an airplane, does he yell “MEEEEEE!”?
Does killing time damage eternity?
How can one careless match start a forest fire when you can’t start a campfire with a whole book of matches?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
What is the speed of dark?
Should I save styrofoam peanuts in case I ever meet a styrofoam elephant?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
If a book about failure doesn’t sell well, is it a success?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Ever notice that the Roman numerals for 40 are “XL”?
Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Why do electric irons have a setting on them for permanent press?
If gun-free zones save lives, why don’t we just declare the Middle East one big gun-free zone?
Why do you “put your two cents in,” but it’s only “a penny for your thoughts”? Where’s the extra penny going?
If I use up all my sick days, do I need to call in dead?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
How is it that we managed to put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
When deaf people go to court, is it still called a hearing?
What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If global warming is man-made, what’s heating Mars?
If Wile E. Coyote had the money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?
Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why are there no ‘B’ batteries?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his iPod?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
If you are bald, what hair color do they put on your driver’s license?
If God sneezes, what should you say?
Is it still illegal to park next to a fire hydrant, even if your car is on fire?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
Do Jewish vampires still avoid crosses?
In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather “macaroni”?
Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
If vampires can’t see their reflections, why is their hair always so neat?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Do they have the word “dictionary” in the dictionary?
Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Can you daydream at night?
Why do they call the little candy bars “fun sizes”. Wouldn’t it be more fun to eat a big one?
What is Satan’s last name?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
Why does quicksand work slowly?
Can crop circles be square?
If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor?
Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Can animals commit suicide?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
How can something be “new” and “improved”? if it’s new, what was it improving on?
Why do they sterilize lethal injections?
Why aren’t drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
Is a pessimist’s blood type B-negative?
Why is it that when we “skate on thin ice”, we can “get in hot water”?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
If pro and con are opposites, wouldn’t the opposite of progress be congress?
Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it.?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don’t lay eggs.
Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why does it not go bad inside the cow?
What’s the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
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